When we’re young the world is our oyster. We dream big. Nothing can stop us. There are no contingency plans or “what-ifs.” We know what we want and how we’re going to get there.

But that all changes as we get older. Our dreams get smaller, and safer. They get “realistic.” We start listening more to society and the people around us than our inner voice.

We stop hoping because we learn that hope leads to disappointment, and we’d rather play it safe then be disappointed yet again.

My own fears of disappointment

I write this post because I’m dealing with my own disappointment today. This has been a recurring theme in my life. Of course it has to do with women 😛

During Middle School and High School I had some serious confidence issues and as a consequence was not at all popular with girls. But at that age you don’t have the awareness to realize when you just don’t have a shot at a girl, so I would get crushes on girl after girl. Small little things… like them laughing at a joke, or even just talking to me would get my hopes up and I would be elated for a few days, dreaming of what it would be like to have her as a girlfriend. And then of course reality would sink in when they’d start dating someone else or I just come to the realization that they just thought of me as a friend.

Of course, extreme disappointment followed.

So from those experience I’ve learned to guard my hopes and expectations when it comes to life, and specifically to women and dating.

For about the last two years I’ve been pretty successful dating, kinda finally “figured it out”, but still the disappointment issue remains. I find myself dampening my hopes every time I meet someone new.

Enough blabbering, get to the point

So, I write this because this weekend I had plans with a girl I really liked. But all week I just had this gut feeling/intuition that things weren’t going to turn out well. I pushed them aside and tried to ignore it but sure enough today she cancelled on me. And it sucks. All the old memories of disappointment and rejection have come flooding back and cannot be ignored.

You have two choices

When faced with disappointment I see two choices. You can try to escape from them using alcohol, drugs, and fantasy. I now recognize that a large part of my drive to play MMOs for most of my life has been because I wanted to escape my reality and escape the pain of disappointments. You can escape, or you can face the disappointment and learn.

It’s my belief that life will throw the same situation at us again and again until we finally learn the lessons that we need to learn. This is a big topic for another day, but if you notice the same recurring patterns in your life consider whether you’re facing them and learning or trying to ignore them and escape from them.

Face your disappointment

Maybe disappointment is nothing more than a test from life. A test to see whether you’re really ready and really desire the abundance that you want. In Think and Grow Rich Napoleon Hill writes a story of some gold miners in the early 1900’s who struck a deep and rich gold vein which unexpectedly ran dry well before they could recoup their expenses on the equipment they purchased to mine this gold. These miners mined for a few more weeks with no results and gave up. They were disappointed and they sold the equipment to a local rancher for a pittance and went home. The rancher then went out and continued digging. He found that the gold vein continued only three feet from where the miners had stopped.

So what if disappointments in our lives are not just bad luck? What if they’re a challenge? To see whether we‘re really ready to receive our heart’s desire? Do you even really want something if you’re ready to give up at the first sign of disappointment? Or worse yet, you’re so afraid of being disappointed that you won’t even dare to DREAM of your desire?

Keep dreaming

When life gets you down, when things don’t turn out as you want, when it seems like no matter how hard you try nothing goes your way. Keep moving. That is the only option that will ever lead to you realizing your heart’s desires. Escape and denial will only lead to you repeating the same patterns again and again, facing the same situations and the same disappointments.

The only force in this universe that can truly stop you from realizing your hopes and dreams is YOU. By taking the safe path that avoids disappointment you are walking on a road that will never lead you to your heart’s desire.

Learn and keep moving

Disappointment, like suffering, are just a part of this physical world. We cannot avoid them anymore than we can avoid old age or death.

You wouldn’t lock yourself inside a protective bubble to try to avoid all physical injury or disease… so don’t lock your heart and soul inside a protective bubble in the attempt to avoid all suffering and disappointment. Allow yourself to dream. Allow yourself to hope. And allow yourself to be hurt and disappointed.

It is all part of the human experience and only when we can truly embrace every bit of it can we live in peace with ourselves.

Experience the pain fully and accept it

The best way to ensure that an emotion or thought repeats in your mind is to try to ignore that thought or emotion. Rather than trying to ignore the pain of disappointment or escape from it(through video games), face it. Take a few minutes to sit down in a quiet place and just experience and acknowledge the pain.

With every disappointment

With every disappointment comes a profound and invaluable life lesson. Today I learned that I’ve been letting the fear of disappointment hold me back from truly putting my all into the relationships that I’ve had, I’ve always held a reserve, and ironically maybe it’s this fact that has caused them to fail.

Find hope

Once you’ve let yourself experience the pain and recognized the lessons to be learned from the experience it’s time to rekindle that hope within your heart. Hope is the best antidote for depression and despondency. And dreaming big is the best way to kindle hope.

Dreaming big will be easy once you’ve made the decision that you will face whatever disappointments may come your way. Decide that no matter what happens you will achieve your dreams. Then, you are unstoppable.